Yesterday, Today
by ShadowOfTheMenace
Summary: He had always watched him during class, and Kanda wondered if Lavi had ever even noticed him. WARNING: implied boy love and character deaths!


Yesterday, Today

From the very beginning of the year, he always sat in the front row. All that could ever be seen was his back and that mess of red hair. He either paid attention to the teacher or had his head lying on his arms, sleeping.

Whenever the teacher asked a question and the whole room was silent, he would raise his hand, and when called upon, say the answer so enthusiastically that you'd think knowledge was the best thing in the world.

Sometimes, he seemed to disappear, but was in fact, in the library reading a random book. It was interesting to watch him as his emerald green eye swept back and forth across the page before his hand turned the paper and the process started again. If it was a fictional book, emotions would flitter across his features. They weren't totally noticeable, though. His face only showed a fraction of his feelings. When he was around other people, he was always smiling and happy, but it was those rare moments in the library, when his true emotions could be seen.

The last time he was in the library, he had been reading a tragedy and the pain and sadness was clearly visible in his solitary eye. That was yesterday.

Today there was a paper on the table. The article didn't make front page. It seemed like no one cared. But I did. I read the words, and with each letter, my whole body had grown numb. Next to the text was a picture of an 18 year old smiling as wide as his face would allow. I knew that smile. It was the one he wore around other people to mask his sorrow. And I would never get to see it again. He was gone.

Then I was alone. There was no redhead sitting in the desk at the front of the class. I could no longer watch the array of emotions he tried to hide from the world. He was no more.

When I looked in the mirror, all I could think about was whether he had ever seen the face that reflected back at me. Did he ever notice me in class? Did he ever feel the weight of my eyes on him? Did he even know my name?

If he did, what had been his feelings toward me? Did he hate me? Did he want to be friends? Or more?

These questions kept me up at night. I laid there and images of his crimson mop and green orb invaded my thoughts. A few times, I had dreamt of him holding a blade and sliding it across his wrist. I ran towards him to try to stop him, but he just got farther and farther away.

I had that dream again and awoke in a cold sweat. I noticed that my lungs were producing short gasps that rang throughout the room. Slowly, carefully, I used my hands as supports and sat up. All around my room was navy blue and black. The only other color was the gray of the newspaper article about him.

That day I went to school. As well as many after it, but steadily they morphed into one dull blur. Everything was a shade of gray. I needed color. I needed the red flames that were his hair. I needed the emerald green that was his shimmering eye. But, I would never have those colors again.

After the blur of school, I walked home, surroundings unnoticed. I dropped my bag and headed to the bathroom. Once there, I looked at the mirror, and reflected back was a being of pure sorrow. I felt the paper still crumpled in my fist. I brought my hand up opened it. I straightened the paper out and re-read it.

"Dear Kanda,

I know you probably don't know who I am, but I just wanted you to know that I have loved you since grade school; and I will always do so.

-Lavi"

Suddenly, my vision became blurred and I felt a lone tear descend upon my cheek. That was the first and last time I cried since my mother died.

I felt my hip brush against the cabinet. Absently, I opened the door and found it. The thin piece of metal I stashed there. I picked it up and brought it to the wrist of the hand that still held the note. The cut was just another amongst many. I dropped my arm and felt the blood trickle down and color the white of the precious paper. I looked back up at the figure in the mirror. I brought the uninjured hand to my neck, and with steady pressure, slid the metal edge across my jugular.

Instantly, red seeped across my skin and poured down my neck like crimson rain. Finally, I could join him and we could be together

Lavi and I.


End file.
